


You Say Lifemate, I Say Roomate

by IwritewhenIfeellikeit



Category: Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Super, Dragon Ball Z
Genre: Arguing, Awkward Dates, Awkward Romance, Comedy, First Dates, Fish out of Water, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, One Shot, Roommates, Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 07:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13853268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IwritewhenIfeellikeit/pseuds/IwritewhenIfeellikeit
Summary: Freeza survives the tournament of power and is brought back to life on Earth.The problem is he needs someone to stay with. That's where our ole buddy Yamcha comes in.





	You Say Lifemate, I Say Roomate

The Universe 7 team make their way back to Earth after an arduous fight for survival, each one lets down their hands as they break up their friendship circle. "See, what did I tell you? I told you things would work out swimmingly for us," Beerus gloats.

"Beerus-Sama, as I can recall you were the most terrified of the potential outcome of this tournament," Whis interjects.

Beerus places his finger up to his mouth. "Shhhhh... Anyway, this is goodbye for now. I would love to stay for an all you can eat buffet but I'm in dire need of a cat nap about now."

"Lord Beerus, turning his nose up at the prospect of food? Sounds like you're ready for another thousand year slumber, my lord."

"Bye Beerus! Bye Whis!" Goku shouts over his other teammates. Whis taps his staff wisping the two celestial beings off in a beam of light.

"We did it! Good job everyone!" Goku says with excitement in his voice. His happy demeanor shifts to one of confusion as he witnesses his friends staring off at something, a collective look of disgust on their faces.

"What's going on? We should all be celebrating our win right now?" Goku scratches his head before examing the object of their Ire. The entire group was encircling Freeza, unsure of what actions to take next. Vegeta steps out from the crowd. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm sending this asshole back to Hell."

"Hohohoho! I'll make you my replacement. I kept my cocoon nice and warm just for you in Hell!" A sadistic smirk forms on his face as the crowd grows angrier.

"Geta, stop! Freeza is the reason why our universe survived. He promised he's not going to do bad things anymore."

Vegeta turns away from Goku."The fact that you would believe a word out of his mouth shows your ineptitude."

"Calm down, Geta. If he goes bad again I promise to let you handle him next time, ok?"

Vegeta huffs, slowly coming to terms with Goku's agreement. Bulma runs up to embrace her wounded Saiyan husband who promptly rebuffs her advances. "Thank god you made it back alive..." She pauses when she witnesses Freeza with the rest of the group. "His halo... It's gone!"

"Freeza wished himself back with the Super Dragonballs. Not the wish I would have made, but he earned it fair and square," Goku explains to Bulma.

"My question is where is he going to stay? It's late, and honestly, a Senzu bean can only do so much. I really don't have the time or energy to watch this guy all night." Killian says accompanied by a loud yawn.

"Besides he's not staying with us. No way I'm letting the man that killed my husband anywhere near my house,"18 retorts.

The group looks over at Tien, who is repeatedly shaking his head no, while Roshi sneaks off to avoid the confrontation completely. Suddenly, Yamcha makes an appearance on the capsule corp balcony. "Hey guys, how's it going?! Wow, you all look beat up, looks like that tournament took a lot out of you, huh?" The other Zwarriors ignore Yamcha as they sort out their squabble.

"How about we just let him go off and do his own thing?" Goku asks with a chuckle

"You idiot! He can't go out on his own, someone needs to keep an eye on him!" Vegeta yells in frustration.

"OK, how about you, Geta? You've got a big place here. I'm sure you have plenty of room for Freeza to stay."

"He's definitely not staying here! No way I'm letting that psychopath share a roof with my family!" Bulma says as she points over to an amused Freeza.

"If my wife says no, I say no!" Why don't you let him stay with you, Kakarot, instead of throwing him off on the rest of us? You were the one that brought that cretin back to Earth in the first place."

"I would love to, the problem is Chichi would kill me if I brought him back home with me tonight."

"At least ask first you moron!" Vegeta yells.

"You know how Chichi gets when she's angry, I'd prefer to avoid that right now," Goku replies as he throws his hands up passively.

"Um, guys..."

The group all shift their gaze towards Yamcha. "Yamcha? When did he get here?" Krillian says.

Yamcha looks over to the center of discussion, a small white alien with a long tail. "Wait a sec... Is that... Freeza!? Wow, this is my first time seeing him up close like this." Yamcha rubs the back of his head nervously.

Freeza glazes over at the scruffy raven haired Earthling, his sharp narrow eyes piercing through his soul. "My, my, who is this handsome specimen?"

"You think I'm handsome?" Yamcha blushes a little at the unexpected compliment.

Freeza slowly walks up to Yamcha, causing the human to panic. The tiny lizard gazes up at the taller human before speaking. "You know, I do like to ruin nice things?"

"Oh, really? Uh... What a coincidence, so do I." Yamcha nervously laughs as the small alien uncomfortably stares back at him.

"Hey, you two seem to be hitting it off. Why not let Freeza stay with you Yamcha? After all, the rest of us have families to look out for. I'm sure a single bachelor like you wouldn't mind having an extra roommate around," Krillin says.

"That's a great Idea! At least until I convince Chichi to let him stay with us."

"You know that's never going to happen, right?"

"Do what you want. I'm turning in for the night." Vegeta walks towards the balcony door of the capsule corp headquarter, making sure to slam the door hard behind him.

"Oh crap! That reminds me, the kids are still on 17's island!"

"That's a really big thing to forget, Goku. Wait up for me, I'll go with you." Bulma yells as she hurries herself to her aircraft.

"Just remember to drop Marron off at our place, will you Goku?" Krillin yells out to the Saiyan as he ascends into the sky.

"Not a problem, you guys rest up!" Bulma gets into her capsule corp vehicle and they fly off to their destination.

Yamcha waves anxiously as his friends all fly off to their homes. "See ya around, guys!"

"If he gives you any trouble I'm just a call away," Krillin assures Yamcha before flying off with his wife.

Yamcha becomes fixated on his thoughts as he and the small lizard stand alone on the balcony "Great, how am I supposed to entertain a galactic space overlord for an entire night?" He can feel Freeza's eyes burning holes through his body with his intense stare.

"What are you waiting for, human? Take me to your domicile at once!"

"R-Right, follow me!"

They make it to Yamcha's quaint little apartment in West city. "Here it is, my humble abode! Sorry if things are bit messy, I wasn't expecting to have an overnight guest."

"Hmm... I was expecting something more spacious than this. Why did you overlook the other rooms in this structure for this cramped space?"

"It's an apartment and a pricey one at that, but we'll have to stay up here, there are tenants renting out the other rooms here. The person who owns the whole building is my landlord."

"Landlord? Sounds like someone with an eye for domination."

"Ah... he's not that type of Lord." Yamcha walks through the door and is instantly tackled by Puar!

"I missed you," Puar says as he gives Yamcha a hug.

"You know I wasn't going to go off and leave you here, Puar."

"I was just frightened! I had a bad premonition about the tournament the others were in." Puar suddenly freaks out when he notices Freeza behind Yamcha. "Whose that!?" He screams.

"That's just a new friend of mine, his names Freeza and he's going to crash here tonight."

"So is this green feline a pet of yours? Please tell me its crate trained?"

Puar growls in anger at Freeza's commentary."Get him out of the house, Yamcha!"

"That's a great Idea Puar. I'll take him out to dinner!"

Puar smacks his paw against his face, "That's not what I meant at all."

Yamcha turns to face Freeza, looking down nervously at his own feet. "Uh... Freeza...would you like to go out with me? Y-you know...for a bite to eat, maybe?"

"Go out, with you? I was just outside with you, and what is this "bite to eat" you're talking about?"

"Sorry, maybe I should have explained myself better. What I meant was that we can go out to eat food."

"Go somewhere to eat food? Like a specialty shop? A delicatessen? Why must Earthlings go out for their food? Do you lack the capability to gather it on your own?"

"N-no...um... It's just for fun. You know, take a load off after a stressful day. I can imagine you must be super stressed after all you've been through."

"I suppose you're right, some decompression time may be in order. So, how do we eat out?" Puar starts laughing uncontrollably after hearing the way Freeza choose to phrase his words.

"Shut up, Puar!"

Freeza points a death beam directly at Puar's face."Do you find something funny, Felis domesticus?"

"Woah! Woah! Not in the house!" Yamcha reaches out to Freeza grabbing him by the shoulder.

"Unhand me you, filthy Earthling! I don't care how physically pleasing you are, don't lay your filthy hands on me!"

"Looks like you made the situation worse, Yamcha," Puar chides.

"Me? You're the one that was laughing!"

"SILENCE!" Now explain to me how we will eat each other out! Or else I'll blow you both to smithereens!"

Puar covers his mouth trying his hardest to contain his laughter."Please don't do that, Puar. Not right now!"

Yamcha somehow manages to make it out of the ordeal alive. He walks down a street accompanied by the small alien in an oversized green sweater."Why must I wear this Ill-fitting skin for?" Freeza inquires as he tugs desperately at the hemming of his sweater.

"I had to put that on you, here on Earth it's considered... You know... indecent to walk around with no clothes on."

"What a preposterous custom! While I do on occasion adorn myself, It's only for protective battle armor, otherwise, it's frivolous to wear such things."

"Yeah, well you can take it off when we get back home... I didn't mean it in that way. You can keep it on if you like."

Freeza ignores the stammering human's personal conflict. "So where exactly are you taking me? I thought you said we would eat out?"

"We will, I just want to get some proper fitting clothes for you first. Usually, when people go out to eat they like to look nice."

"Is that so? Why then is what you're wearing not extravagant?"

"Err...It doesn't have to be flashy, something casual is fine." Yamcha opens the door to a clothing shop, a little bell rings startling Freeza.

An old shopkeep with a cane approaches them near the entrance. "Yamcha! Hows it going!? Haven't seen you around here in ages. I was beginning to think you got super rich and famous and forgot all about this little town."

"No worries, I have no plans of leaving anytime soon."

The old shopkeep looks over at Freeza, "I see you have a young lady with you?"

"Uh... Actually I... I'm looking for some nice clothes for my friend here."

"Do you need any assistance?" The old man asks.

"We'll be fine. Let's go, Freeza."

"Whatever, let's just choose something so we can eat out already," Freeza mumbles.

Yamcha walks Freeza over to the men's selection of the store. "Hm, these might be too big for you, we may have better luck in the boy's section. Makes you wonder how Krillin shops for his clothes."

"These exo-skin are rather drab looking. Where are the vibrant, flamboyant adornments housed?"

The old shopkeep walks over to Yamcha and scolds him. "What are you doing bringing your date over to the men's section?"

Yamcha tries his best to explain the situation to the older gentleman."You don't understand, she's not a...."

"Come right this way," the old man says. He points Freeza in the direction of the women's department.

"Finally, an Earthling with some manners," Freeza replies.

"OK well, I guess this works out, sorta..." Yamcha finds a dress that instantly catches his eye. It was a blue Qipao cheongsam dress with floral patterned embroidery. "That one right there looks nice. I always had a thing for the traditional look."

"I like that one better," Freeza says pointing at an identical dress in red.

"What made you choose that one? I guess It does match your eyes."

"It's the same color as your blood," Freeza replies nonchalantly.

Yamcha's crimson blood runs cold from the comment. "Try it on, I'm sure It'll look great on you," he responds apprehensively.

"Well then, what are you waiting for? Remove these awful rags from my body at once!" Yamcha complies lifting the baggy sweater over Freeza's head only to be stopped by the blushing shopowner.

"Sorry... Uh, my friends not from around here," Yamcha says nervously. "You're going to have to use one of those dressing rooms over there. Unfortunately, I can't come in with you," he whispers to Freeza.

"I don't need your help!" Freeza walks off to the changing room, slamming the door behind him.

The elderly man walks up to Yamcha." That has to be the most beautiful Naga woman I've ever seen. Where is she from?"

"Ahh... I don't know...somewhere in space?" Yamcha says in utter confusion.

Freeza slams open the changing room doing a little twirl as he does. Yamcha and the old shopkeep immediately blush at the sight of Freeza in the dress.The tight-fitting Quipao grazing over every curve of his body."You look amazing!" Yamcha says.

"I don't feel amazing. This garment is far too constricting on my body, my tail can't even fit in this thing properly." Freeza's bulky tail presses against the dress making it difficult for him to walk.

"We have other styles over here you can try out," the old man says directing them to another aisle.They finally find the perfect fit, a shorter red Quipao giving Freeza's tail ample room to breathe. Freeza and Yamcha are at the checkout waiting to purchase their item."Found everything you need? How about a pair of heels to go with the dress?"

Yamcha looks down at Freeza's three-toed feet, "We'll figure that out later." He hands over his Zeni to the shopkeep in exchange for the clothes.

"See ya around, Yamcha! Try not to get eaten alive, ok!" The eccentric old man waves his goodbyes at the two as they make their way back down the road.

"Why did you exchange currency with that geriatric codger? You may be a weakling, but your power level far exceeds that of any ordinary Earthling. Why not take what you want with no scruples?"

"I can't do that, I have a reputation to uphold." Yamcha opens the door to a fancy French restaurant. A host greets them both at the door. "Table for two please!" he says.

"Right this way my lady. You look ravishing tonight." The host grabs Freeza's hand and plants a kiss on it.

Freeza seethes with anger."You dare defile my hand with your mouth, you filthy Earth scum?!" He pulls his hand away in disgust.

"Sorry, she's not from around here," Yamcha says trying his best to apologizes to the offended host.

"Who are you calling,"she"? Do you see any hatchlings clutched to my bosom?" Freeza exclaims.

The host ignores the outburst and walks them to their table. They both take a seat across from each other, Freeza visibly angry at the other."Calm down! He was just trying to be polite. He was saying you look beautiful, like a woman," Yamcha explains to the aggressive alien.

"All of this tedium just for basic sustenance? It's no wonder you Earthlings have such pathetically low power levels."

A waitress comes to their table and asks them what the would like to have to drink. Yamcha notices Freeza's eyes start wandering off to the large lobster tank at the center of the restaurant. "I'll have a..." Yamcha's train of thought is cut short by Freeza's impatient pounding.

Freeza repeatedly pounds his fist on the table to the chagrin of irritated patrons. "I'll have one of those curly tailed, crustaceans!"

"He means he want's lobster," Yamcha explains to the bewildered waiter. The petrified waitress looks on in confusion before asking Yamcha what he'd like to order."I still need to look through the menu first." The waitress walks off slightly perturbed."So, Freeza what do you..." Yamcha notices the empty seat in front of him. "Oh crap! Where did he wander off to now!?" He becomes even more unnerved when he hears a loud scream from a lady across the room.

The host walks over to Yamcha's table."I believe that's your date in the lobster tank." Yamcha looks over in horror as he sees Freeza swimming in the large lobster tank. He frantically runs over to stop him," You can't do that here!"

Freeza swallows a lobster whole before peaking his head out the tank."I got tired of waiting so I took the initiative myself. I prefer my food fresh anyway." Immediately the owner of the store comes out from the back of the restaurant to reprimand Yamcha.

"I'm sorry! You see... my friend here is not from Earth..."

"I don't care where he's from! You're going to pay for the damage done to my lobster tank, plus all the stock he ate!"

Freeza points a glowing finger at the owner's face."I don't know who you think you're talking to like that," he warns. The whole restaurant erupts in terror as customers stampede out of the building. Yamcha grabs Freeza from the tank before he could fire at the owner. As he pulls it causes him to miss the owner and instead blow a huge hole in the back of the restaurant."Shit! We got to get out of here." He grabs Freeza in his arms and flies out of the building.

"HALT! YOU"RE UNDER ARREST!" Yamcha freezes after hearing the loud command. "Holy crap, It's the cops! We're so busted! My baseball career is officially over!" Yamcha let's out a sigh of relief when he sees the officer that was after him was his buddy Krillin.

"Yamcha? Hey, what are you doing out here?"

"No time to talk, I'm in a bit of a hurry!"

Krillin looks over at Freeza in his soaking wet dress."Hahaha! What is he wearing? Were you two on a date or something?"

"Watch it, Cueball!" Freeza growls.

"It's not like that, I swear! By the way, what are you doing out on patrol? I thought you were done with police work for the day?"

"I was called in for a disturbance that funnily enough was from that very restaurant you just came out of. Something about a crazy snake woman in a lobster tank."

"Please man, you have to do me a solid. Let me ago, please?!"

"Fine, I'll pretend I didn't see anything. We are longtime buddies after all."

"Thanks, man. I appreciate it."

"Now get out of here before I change my mind." Krillin watches as Yamcha and Freeza fly off into the sky. "That guy has weird taste."

Yamcha and Freeza make it back to his apartment. He slams the door shut behind him, hoping no other officers caught up with him. "Great, now I'll never be able to show my face around that part of town again." He calls out to his friend before making his way down the hallway."PUAR! PUAR! He must be sleep by now it is getting late." Freeza tosses the damp dress to the floor as he steps further into the house."That was expensive, at least hang it up first." Yamcha picks up the dress and folds it up neatly."Are you still hungry? I have some food in the fridge."

"I'm fine, I had 5 of those curly tailed organisms back at the eating establishment. How about you? I didn't see you eat not one thing."

"I already ate. Going out to dinner was more a spur of the moment thing, for fun you know?"

"Whatever, I'm not even going to try to understand what was so fun about it. I'm feeling rather slothful, take me to your sleep quarters." Yamcha clicks the light on before entering his room. The room is relatively spacious, it has a small dining table next to a modestly sized bed with a framed picture of a sunset hanging over it. Freeza crawls onto the bed lifting his tail up and arching his back seductively.

Yamcha's face flushes red at the sight of Freeza sprawled out on his bed. "I guess I'll go sleep on the couch. Good night!"

"Nonsense, you'll sleep in here with me tonight," Freeza says.

"R-Really? Ah, are you sure you're ok with that?"

"It shouldn't be a problem, it's not like we'll be doing anything sexual, or are you implying I'm a harlot who puts out on the first night?"

"Not at all! That's definitely not what I was implying." Yamcha pulls out one of his dresser drawers to retrieve his pajamas. "Give me a second, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going with that pile of rags?" Freeza says out of curiosity.

"I just need to go to the bathroom real quick to change for bed," Yamcha replies.

"Why change in a place for waste disposal? Do it right here," the space lizard commands.

"Change in front of you...Um, ok. Yamcha turns his back to Freeza as he unbuttons his shirt, he can feel the reptilian beings intense stare tracing his every movement. Freeza watches in amusement as Yamcha hastily tries to remove his pants, making sure to conceal certain parts of his body from him. Yamcha let's out a sigh of relief after he finishes swapping clothes. He folds his clothes up tossing them in a nearby hamper.The shaky Earthling walks over to the door and clicks off the lights before joining Freeza on the bed. "Goodnight!" Yamcha tries his hardest to sleep but he can't as Freeza's sharp catlike eyes study every inch of his face. "So I've been meaning to ask, what are your plans now that you're alive again?"

"To go back into space and take back my rightful position as emperor of the universe. I plan on having Vegeta's female human build me a new spacecraft."

"Oh, you mean Bulma? I'm sure she'll help you out with that. It's too bad you don't want to stick around longer, you're pretty cool to hang out with." Yamcha says while purposely avoiding direct eye contact with Freeza.

"I plan on taking you with me, Earthling," Freeza replies. He climbs on top of Yamcha's body, straddling his chest. He looks down at his frightened roommate as the subtle moonlight cascading down his ivory body.

"I, ah... don't know. I have a lot of things I still have to do on Earth.... besides, what use could I possibly be to a powerful galactic warlord like yourself?"

Freeza feels a protrusion rubbing up against the base of his tail, he uses his dexterous appendage to gently grab it. Yamcha's voice immediately hikes at the sensation."It's because I need a plaything to entertain me. All my other playthings are broken I'm afraid."

"R-Really? I'm not sure you'd want me then. I'm a sensitive guy, I break easily."

"Those are the best ones!" Freeza continues to tease Yamcha with his tail, the reactions of his hypnotized roommate exciting him. "You want me, don't you?"

"Y-Yes..." Yamcha says under his languished breathe.

"Well, I'm afraid you haven't earned a treat just yet, be a good boy and maybe I'll reconsider. Now, on the floor with you!"

"I thought you wanted to share the bed with me?" Yamcha says with disappointment in his eyes.

"I changed my mind after you showed your arousal around me. Now, lay on the floor like the dog you are! On the floor you shall remain until you learn some basic manners!"

Yamcha gets off the bed and sits on the floor."Can I at least have some covers?"

"NO!"

Yamcha lays down on a rug near the side of the bed, shivering as the temperature in the room continues to drop. "Goodnight, Freeza."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still debating whether or not to add chapters to this fic.


End file.
